Trying to Live in the Moment and Still Daydream
I’ve never been accused of being overly patient. In fact, I honestly prefer instant gratification. But in my years of learning to meditate, practicing gratitude for what is, and trying to stay present, I’m focusing these days on the summer season and all that it brings.
Something I wrote in one of my novels that I’m sure I stole from somewhere else, (nobody really has an original idea or thought), is that time is a thief. The lazy days of summer only just began in what seems like five minutes ago and yet we are already starting the month of August. No time like the present to embrace those sunny, tangy margaritas, wear that vibrant sarong and dance! Since tomorrow isn’t promised, we must enjoy everything…even if what you desire most still hasn’t arrived yet and you are already in the late Fall season of your life.
I’ve wanted to be an author since I first read Judy Blume’s book, DEENIE, when I was ten years old in the fifth grade. Mr. Albertson’s class was full of creative kids buzzing around our papier mache’ projects and talking in Pig Latin. But the one thing I remember most about that year was that’s when I decided what I wanted to do with my life. I was going to be a writer.
After discovering V.C. Andrews, FLOWERS IN THE ATTIC, it solidified my notion that telling stories for a living was exactly what I wanted to do. I started writing that year in my spiral bound notebook, and with cramped fingers resembling gnarled tree limbs, I wrote diligently in pencil for two years on a story that went nowhere. I copied and most definitely plagarizing my favorite authors until I found my own voice, and even wrote some horrible poetry in my high school years.
Throughout those years, summertime was full of melting popsicles, bike rides with friends, and halter-tops. It was a time to daydream, reading scary books of Stephen King, swimming in the lake, and bonfires with beers we confiscated from our parents. We thought we’d be young forever.
Before I knew it, I looked up and I was married with children of my own, and summertime became days of hosting sleepover parties, barbecuing hotdogs and hamburgers, and setting up the slip-n-slide in our front yard. Writing seemed like a luxury I didn’t have time for. It became a one-of-these-days fantasies.
Raising a family was something I thought I had to be one-thousand percent in or I wasn’t a good mother. Time for myself and my own dreams was put on hold, largely because of my own ideologies on parenting. Summers came faster and faster, blurring like I was on a speeding train looking out the window. Before I knew it, the kids didn’t need me as much, and I didn’t know how to find myself anymore.
I still dove into books for comfort though. Margaret Atwood, Dean Koontz, and James Patterson, gave way to me later discovering romance novels of Robyn Carr, Elin Hilderbrand, Brenda Novak, and Nora Roberts. I loved the idea of complex characters that got happy endings. Let’s face it…real life is hard enough. I decided that I wanted to give writing a try again.
If you’ve been following me at all, you know I wrote and released as a self-published novel, AFTER THE FIRE, in 2019. I’ve since written a few other books but want to traditionally publish now, so I’ve been querying on two different novels, not stopping my writing process in between. Writing for me is like oxygen. I can’t stop myself from doing it. And since I am fifty-six, I know I’ve started late in the game. I don’t like the small amount of summers I have left to celebrate, but I plan to make the most of the ones I have.
Today, instead of fretting about what I haven’t accomplished, or worrying that I’m not ever going to be the next Nora Roberts, I embrace what I have, and that’s freedom. I am lucky enough to be able to write when I want to, (I retired as a public-school librarian three years ago), and Monday’s don’t give me the blues. Everyday is the weekend, summer is here, and if I want a glass of chilled rose on the beach on a random Tuesday, I can have it! Everything gives me inspiration to write. Just being alive is a good day.
Looking forward, I will also add that just because I think I want to traditionally publish, doesn’t necessarily mean that’s what will end up happening. I’ll still querying agents about my books, but my summers are coming and going faster than ice cream melts on the sidewalk. I might not wait for someone else to give me the green light. Colleen Hoover didn’t wait after all, and look how well that turned out for her. Like I said, I’m not the most patient person, but I’m trying. Maybe I will become some kind of hybrid author. Carve my own path at times and get some help with other projects. Either way, I’m going to soak up the sun while I can. If I learned anything at all on this planet, its that you have to smile more, and worry less. Life has a way of working out.
I hope you enjoy what is left of your summer, (if you are in a summer zone), and I hope you embrace your life to live fully. Be silly. Take chances. Plan a trip. See your friends. Daydream. Above all, be happy with yourself. We are all just doing the best we can.
Xoxo ~ Patti D.
*All photos are by me/Patti Diener, except the people swimming which is courtesy of pexels.com.
