When I was growing up
I rarely wore shoes. We only had four to six television channels and I seldom watched that box anyway. I would always rather have been outside in Lower Lake, riding my bike, walking the creek, or playing with my dog, Blue. But the other thing I loved to do with the neighborhood kids was play “library.”
As the librarian, I would take all the books we kids could gather up from each of our collections and make library cards for them. We would share them with a set amount of time… like checking out a book. When that date rolled around, we had to get back together with our books and trade. I would then re-date them for a return date. Little did I know I would end up being a librarian for real in my adult life.
Flash forward, I have read my fair share of books over my almost 50 years of life, (that is still hard for me to admit). I began my love of books early on and at the age of 10 I wrote my first novel. Ok… I didn’t finish it. I started it in the 5th grade and ended my writing of this unfinished book by the 7th grade, but in my defense, I DID gather information from A.A. and wrote by hand over one hundred pages on binder paper, all about a teenage alcoholic. Believe me, Alcoholics Anonymous was amazed and impressed I asked for all the information I did. Still, I didn’t complete the book.
This fire to write has been with me for as long as I can recall. That’s why I find it hard to believe that for awhile, I forgot what my passion was and I stopped writing.
Becoming a mother was something I knew I was destined to do and be. But like so many people I know, I threw myself so completely into this roll that I forgot who I was. I literally stopped caring for my own passions, goals, and dreams. It was far more important to me to succeed in being, “the best mother I could possibly be.”
Today, I happened upon this video with Jada Pinkett Smith, that explains what women do once they become wives and mothers. It’s not like being a wife or mother is bad. Quite the opposite! It’s an honor and blessing beyond anything I can put into words. It’s just that women who learn to balance these rolls along with taking care of themselves, are the ones we should pay attention to. They are the ones who have figured out the secret to truly being happy.
https://youtu.be/FQK9Ufr4yrY
I would invite you to watch this video because she nailed what I have felt and realized far too late in life and wished I had figured out way sooner.
What does this have to do with writing, you might ask. Well, getting back to the part where I stopped writing and forgot who I was, … It was years later when I started to feel lost. I realized the part of me, the CREATIVE part of me I stifled because I foolishly didn’t think I could or should pursue my dreams because I was a mom now. I sort of got lost. When I hit a wall and put my relationships at risk because I was so chronically depressed and angry, I realized something very, very important.
I mattered.
When I started putting my dreams right up there with the rest of my famiy’s dreams as equally important, there was a shift. I will tell you when it happened.
First, to be honest, it happened over a period of time and I didn’t realize it was coming to me. I ignored the signs that something huge was brewing. The desires for art and creativity in my life that were lacking left me thirsty and yearning. Then I saw Nicholas Sparks’ movie, The Notebook. If you ever saw this film or read the book, there is a scene where Noah knows Allie so well that he leaves her alone one glorious morning with an easel, paints and brushes and arrows paving the way to this surprise. This gesture made me weep. It was then that I asked myself what was my passion? I knew for Allie it was to paint, but for me it was to write.
So I didn’t need my husband to buy me an antique Corona typewriter to fulfill this desire. However, I DID need to give myself permission to have time to write! I have since made sure of it. And once my husband got on board and realized the importance my writing was to me in my life, he suggested I go away to write. “Get a hotel somewhere and write uninterrupted and without guilt,” is what he said.
That is how my novel, After the Fire, was started and the rest you know. I was in a hotel in Fort Bragg, writing a short story inspired by the Valley Fire for a contest and it developed into a novel.
As I’ve said, the editing has been a handful but my next blog entry will show the opening scene with the changes I’ve made. I will share this scene since I already showed some of the book awhile back and you all can read what I’ve come up with. I hope you will like the change in reading Sarah’s point of view as well as Gabriel’s.
Well good night my friends. Thanks for following and as always, sleep well, be well, and read well.
