Category: Healing

 Mornings are quiet,

and as the sun was cresting over my yard I took a walk around my Lower Lake property, coffee in hand, enjoying the 75 degree temps that were already climbing by 6:30 am. It would reach 106 later and I would certainly not be out in it. By July 27th, I’ve already had my fill of triple digits. I prefer a nice 85-90 degrees thank you.

A promise of a cooler location, (not by much), was on my itinerary today. I went to meet my friend April, up on Cobb Mountain for coffee, doughnuts, and a walk on the recently re-opened Boggs Mountain Trails. I have to confess, although I’ve lived in Lake County, since I was 3 years old and only moved away once for a total of six months, I have NEVER walked through Boggs. Never even been there, to my recollection, until April drove me through there after the Valley Fire devastated much of it, and the trails were closed. I had to know what everyone was talking about missing. A local author, Kit DeCanti, has even written mystery books about Boggs, so I had to know what all the hype was about. Especially since my book AFTER THE FIRE, was prompted by the effects of the horrific fire.

After our heads were properly caffeinated, and stomachs were filled with sugary goodness from Dirty Girl Doughnuts, (something you will read about in an upcoming post on my OTHER blog, romancetravelandfood.com ), we drove to the Cal Fire Station and the Boggs Mountain Trails. Some trails were still off limits. CLOSED, the signs said at the creek trail that was April’s favorite. We assumed because there were still too many dangerous trees that haven’t been addressed yet. Still, the morning air was rich with the scent of pine, damp earth, and it simply felt nourishing just to be there.

 

           

The sunlight filtered through the tall trees and a soft breeze caressed our skin, cooling us just enough to make the walk enjoyably comfortable. Even though there were a tremendous amount of fallen and burned trees, mother nature has this way of never giving up. There was evidence of hope everywhere. Green trees that survived were neighboring burned ones that had green foliage sprouting everywhere from their blackened trunks. Also, we saw what looked like newly planted trees along the utility roads, giving nature a boost at replenishing what was lost.

The thistle was even beautiful, with it’s pink color standing out against the browns and greens of the forest. I was starting to see what everyone has been so excited about. I also could imagine the way it once was, thick, full, and secluded from the busy world. Now I understand how those who frequently sought refuge there were so mournful at losing it. At least for awhile.

When April and I turned back to return to our responsibilities for the day, we spoke of how it might be changed, but it is still a wonderful place. It’s never going to be the same again, but a different beauty with a story of survival to pass on for generations to come. I think that makes it very special.

The land, like people, builds character over time. Our scars are part of our history. They are what make us who we are and who we are to become. I think the earth is no different. Surely, the story of this beloved place is going to live on much longer than any of us. As I drove back off the mountain today, I rolled the windows down, let the wind blow through my hair, and smiled at how very lucky we all are to just be. I feel very lucky to have such wonderful friends, ( thanks for today April ), and to live in such a marvelous place, Lake County.

  When I was growing up

I rarely wore shoes. We only had four to six television channels and I seldom watched that box anyway. I would always rather have been outside in Lower Lake, riding my bike, walking the creek, or playing with my dog, Blue. But the other thing I loved to do with the neighborhood kids was play “library.”

As the librarian, I would take all the books we kids could gather up from each of our collections and make library cards for them. We would share them with a set amount of time… like checking out a book. When that date rolled around, we had to get back together with our books and trade. I would then re-date them for a return date. Little did I know I would end up being a librarian for real in my adult life.

Flash forward, I have read my fair share of books over my almost 50 years of life, (that is still hard for me to admit). I began my love of books early on and at the age of 10 I wrote my first novel. Ok… I didn’t finish it. I started it in the 5th grade and ended my writing of this unfinished book by the 7th grade, but in my defense, I DID gather information from A.A. and wrote by hand over one hundred pages on binder paper, all about a teenage alcoholic. Believe me, Alcoholics Anonymous was amazed and impressed I asked for all the information I did. Still, I didn’t complete the book.

This fire to write has been with me for as long as I can recall. That’s why I find it hard to believe that for awhile, I forgot what my passion was and I stopped writing.

Becoming a mother was something I knew I was destined to do and be. But like so many people I know, I threw myself so completely into this roll that I forgot who I was. I literally stopped caring for my own passions, goals, and dreams. It was far more important to me to succeed in being, “the best mother I could possibly be.”

Today, I happened upon this video with Jada Pinkett Smith, that explains what women do once they become wives and mothers. It’s not like being a wife or mother is bad. Quite the opposite! It’s an honor and blessing beyond anything I can put into words. It’s just that women who learn to balance these rolls along with taking care of themselves, are the ones we should pay attention to. They are the ones who have figured out the secret to truly being happy.

https://youtu.be/FQK9Ufr4yrY

I would invite you to watch this video because she nailed what I have felt and realized far too late in life and wished I had figured out way sooner.

What does this have to do with writing, you might ask. Well, getting back to the part where I stopped writing and forgot who I was, … It was years later when I started to feel lost. I realized the part of me, the CREATIVE part of me I stifled because I foolishly didn’t think I could or should pursue my dreams because I was a mom now. I sort of got lost. When I hit a wall and put my relationships at risk because I was so chronically depressed and angry, I realized something very, very important.

I mattered.

When I started putting my dreams right up there with the rest of my famiy’s dreams as equally important, there was a shift. I will tell you when it happened.

First, to be honest, it happened over a period of time and I didn’t realize it was coming to me. I ignored the signs that something huge was brewing. The desires for art and creativity in my life that were lacking left me thirsty and yearning. Then I saw Nicholas Sparks’ movie, The Notebook.  If you ever saw this film or read the book, there is a scene where Noah knows Allie so well that he leaves her alone one glorious morning with an easel, paints and brushes and arrows paving the way to this surprise. This gesture made me weep. It was then that I asked myself what was my passion? I knew for Allie it was to paint, but for me it was to write.

So I didn’t need my husband to buy me an antique Corona typewriter to fulfill this desire. However, I DID need to give myself permission to have time to write! I have since made sure of it. And once my husband got on board and realized the importance my writing was to me in my life, he suggested I go away to write. “Get a hotel somewhere and write uninterrupted and without guilt,” is what he said.

That is how my novel, After the Fire, was started and the rest you know. I was in a hotel in Fort Bragg, writing a short story inspired by the Valley Fire for a contest and it developed into a novel.

As I’ve said, the editing has been a handful but my next blog entry will show the opening scene with the changes I’ve made. I will share this scene since I already showed some of the book awhile back and you all can read what I’ve come up with. I hope you will like the change in reading Sarah’s point of view as well as Gabriel’s.

Well good night my friends. Thanks for following and as always, sleep well, be well, and read well.

 

 

 

It’s quiet.

The outside morning air is sweet with the smell of dewy grass and my dog, Bailey, is wandering around smelling the scents from nocturnal animals that visited us last night. Coffee is my friend. Together with my dog and beverage I am trying desperately to begin this day in peace.

What the hell is happening in the world now? I am trying to push it down and live in this very moment of silence. This is why I’m only an average meditator. I try but am only good about half the time with sitting still and quieting my mind. The events of recent years and recent days fill my head with noise.

The fires are only a fraction of what fills my mind. They were and for some still are catastrophic. But the continued loss , (family and friends dying), and continued natural disasters, just keep mounting to the point I’m overwhelmed and in near tears all the time. I just want to hide! Go into hiding from life where I can merely just exist…….. if for only awhile.

But of course, I won’t. Instead I try to catch moments of solitude and pray, listen to music, read, take pictures, or write. These things are my therapy. And once I nourish the parts of me that are suffering inside, I am good to contribute to my little part of the world again. The people I love, who I need, and who need me.

In our times of helping those with loss, I reflect to a time my father talked about and times I’ve only read about in books. During WWII, the small towns across America were filled with people bonding together. They did everything to become united! Households all looked after each other’s kids and families pulled together in times of great loss. Whole communities were family! I believe this sort of thing is catching on in Lake County! I feel it all around me.

These next few days are going to be nothing short of colossally difficult. Funerals are something I avoided most of my life but have unfortunately become unusually good at organizing these past several years. Since the loss of my sister Jill, I have found myself going onto auto pilot to just do what needs to be done. In the end, you just hope you have honored that person in a way that they know how much you loved them.

Life is a journey that takes us along like a boat on a river. Some days it’s calm, others it’s white caps, treacherously rushing! In the end though I know it’s all worth it. When we hurt, it’s because we loved! I wouldn’t miss feeling that love even if you promised me forever calm, still waters. And when I’m crying and look up to a beautiful sky, I know our loved ones are still with us, smiling and saying it’s ok.

I am grateful to be in a place where I know my neighbors. Where we can all count on one another. Today is my time to help the ones who need me. It’s just what we do here in small town U.S.A., and I am very proud to be part of this community. I pray God will lighten the load on all those who are suffering, and bring peace and comfort to those in need.

Have a blessed Sunday.

Almost 2 years ago, the cycle of mayhem began in our community.

The good news is, we have come a very long way and people are finally starting to show signs of moving on. The healing is a process, but it’s a little better with each day.

Even though my heart still races when I hear multiple sirens coming from the intersection in town, I have learned to live without the scanner constantly playing in the background of my life. I’ve turned it off again, as I did for nearly all my adult life before the fires. Now, I only turn it up occasionally.

When I hear the roar of a radial engine in the sky, I get nervous again that something might be brewing. Nonetheless, I am always grateful that they are there. Those planes saved so many lives during our last 2 years of fire seasons here in Lake County, and although the sights and sounds of them bring me some jitters, they also bring me that gratitude.

There is always something we complain about in our towns but since the fires, and since I have felt this reconnection with the people of my community, I realize now more than ever that home is something we have ALL taken for granted.

When so many have lost their homes, it’s important for us all to reflect on how lucky those of us are that still have ours. We need to reach out to fellow Lake County residents that might need our help still and possibly just need to hear you say, “I’m thinking of you. I know you might still be hurting and I understand.” But most importantly what we all need to hear is, “you are not alone.”

In the next few days, I plan to take a drive through some of the hardest hit areas from both the Valley Fire, and the Clayton Fire. I need to see the places I don’t always pass in my day to day life, to realize the beauty of how Mother Nature can replenish herself. I want to see the progress that people have made in rebuilding their lives, and get a good picture in my head for the ending of my book.

Thank you all for checking in on my progress with writing the novel that I hope will shed positive light onto our county. I have been enjoying the process more and more now that the tears are fewer and farther in between. What drives me now is wrapping it up to get it into all of your hands.

Thank you for your patience. Love to you all!

  We went from this

(above pic by yours truly, Patti Diener)

TO THIS! (Above picture and next were provided at Lake County Awareness Group).

It’s amazing to me the cycles we go through living here in Lake County. I should be use to it. I’ve lived here since I was three, (those who know me know how many years THAT IS, without stating my age). But these last two fire seasons were so horrendous that I know we desperately needed the precipitation. I think we are good now folks!

If you are at all familiar with Nixle Notifications, I have to tell you, I’m really tired of hearing the chiming of my phone! Alarms are going off regularly telling  me of more and more road closures, mud slides, and flooding conditions in ours and surrounding counties. Thanks to the rain gods, but I think we could use a little break now.

When the kiddos I work with at my school complain about being held in for yet another rainy day recess, I just say, “Well think of how great the lakes, rivers, and creeks will be this summer for swimming!” I don’t tell them that I am just as tired of dreary days as they are because I’m trying to practice gratitude.

Staying positive days on end without sunshine can be difficult but I’ve become more faithful in taking my vitamin D and tell myself it’s a good thing. We’ve needed this rain. But it DOES seem like here in Northern Cali, it’s been feast or famine!

What we need

is a better balance. When it comes to Mother Nature, it’s more about what we GET instead, that we have to deal with. So when I turn on the TV and see news of other states getting hammered with tornadoes and other extreme weather, I realize there probably isn’t anywhere truly beautifully weather balanced. There is always some kind of trade off, no matter where you live.

For us, living in Northern California, we get drought, flooding, life changing fires, and sometimes even earthquakes. We also get some of the most beautiful springtime wildflowers,  memorable summer nights, and spectacular sunsets! We have the ocean, the valleys and the mountains. It’s a trade off, like I said, and for some like me, it’s still worth it.

(Above pics taken by me, Patti Diener)

I understand this flooding has been postponing some much needed ground work for those wishing to rebuild their lives and homes here in Lake County after both of the Valley and Clayton Fires. For them, my heart goes out to you! There will be light, like today. We are going to see a better time with hope, and peace. But if you are having trouble seeing your light, know I am praying for you.

Enjoy this weather break today, and walk out into the sunshine! Believe you can and you will find some peace. That is my hope for you all today.

The sea air

begins to slow my heart rate before I even rounded the corner to see the ocean. I could smell the salty breezes through my window and opened the sun roof to fully indulge in the mild temperatures of northern California’s Pacific Coast. Fort Bragg is one of my favorite spots, although most anywhere I go to the ocean will aid in relaxing me.

I took the above picture on my walk, just minutes away from the door of my hotel room. There were no winds really, and people of all ages were sporting t-shirts and shorts. IT’S NOVEMBER GUYS! You just gotta love California!

Stress has been a major factor in keeping me from getting back in the saddle of my writing. I am always finding new and complicated reasons why I cannot find the time to write. I didn’t really plan going back to the coast to write would be exactly a year later, but given the circumstances of a gnarly fire almost a year after the Valley Fire, I found myself feeling that sort of deja vu. The trip to the coast was just the ticket!

 This cozy nook

was where I sat to write. I had a perfect view out the window, facing the ocean, and had the ability to see the fishing boats come and go. When I needed a break, I’d stretch and walk outside onto my balcony to breathe the sea air. I chose a room on the top floor for the least amount of noise, and with my calming playlist of music on my phone, it was easy to settle in and get to work.

Once I got into a rhythm of writing, it was hours before I stopped. The only way I realized the time was because my butt was cramping up and my neck was screaming to stop and take a break. I walked some more and wanted to see the locals enjoying their Saturday afternoon.

 This father

and son were fishing and watching a small craft approach the harbor near the jetty. The waves were enormous and sneaker waves could be a problem. The mom in me worried this kid should have been farther back from the edge, but that’s just me.

 This older

gentleman was enjoying his day of fishing but I still hadn’t seen anyone pull anything out of the amazing surf. Nobody seemed to mind though. Dogs, kids, and folks of all ages were out and playing in the afternoon sun. I had on only a light sweater yet I was hot from my walk and lugging around my camera bag. This man was probably geared up for a more normal day by the water, but I’m certain he was over dressed and quite warm.

Once I got back to the room, I continued on until my stomach reminded me that I skipped lunch. I had some nuts and crackers and cheese I could nosh on, but soon enough I showered and found my way to a restaurant for a more substantial meal. Besides, seafood is one of my favorite things to eat! I’d had fish the first night there and was determined to have crab before I left.

 A phone picture

but still, I had to share my wonderfully delicious crab cakes with warm spinach salad! I felt very spoiled, yet it wasn’t so heavy that I’d become a slug after eating it. I still had writing to do once I returned to my room. Time was ticking away.

Having eaten at 5:30, I had an early meal, then wrote until around 9:30 when I just couldn’t sit anymore. Feeling accomplished and tired, I decided to reward myself with a movie, (to fall to sleep to), and one more glass of wine. Before I drifted off, I walked over to the balcony to go out and breathe more of that beautiful air. The night was so bright with this super moon, as they are calling it, that the ocean seemed to be lit up. It was glorious! I said a prayer of gratitude right then. I really couldn’t have dreamed up a more perfect weekend!

So I’m off to a great start in resuming the writing process and the novel is moving along at a nice pace again. I’m feeling quite pleased with myself and by this morning, I had finished up another scene before I quit to pack up and make the trek back to Lake County. It was truly a marvelous weekend retreat!

If you are in the area, I do recommend the North Cliff Hotel in Fort Bragg. It’s relaxing and a great location, close to restaurants, shopping, and my favorite, the ocean view and walking trails. Give it a go!

Rest assured, you will be hearing more from me in the near future, as I am excited again about this project! It’s a great feeling to get back something you thought you lost! Thanks for going on this journey with me. Before I close, here’s a picture of the sunset I almost missed while writing last night. I was so busy plucking away at my keys that I almost didn’t see the orange ball drop.

Take care!

 

   Since the fire

(and I’m talking about the Clayton Fire), I lost my drive to write. I found my voice enough to write about what happened with my family during and immediately following the fire, but since then, something felt snuffed out inside of me. I lost my ability to write.

These past few weeks have nearly sent me into a panic, wondering if I would be able to finish my book! I have felt distracted……… disconnected……. uninterested…….. and dare I say……….. depressed!

But this weekend, when I was setting things in motion to celebrate my youngest child’s 19th birthday, I was reminded by her to look outside at the yard. She said, “Mom! Go out and take pictures of the grass that’s growing! Was it there last night? I don’t remember seeing it yesterday! It’s like your book! OUT OF THE ASHES! Mom, you need to go out and look.”

Emma made me see that just as I’ve been writing, the earth is renewing itself, just as we all are. It is a splendid thing to behold!

I had my windows replaced on the east side of my house, and just this week I realized that my husband had been rounding up items into a pile that we are going to put into a dumpster, whenever we get around to clearing our property. I barely look out into our side or backyard when I get home, because it’s so changed. The front is the same. If I put blinders on of my blackened pasture, my absent or blackened trees, and completely deviate from looking into the backyard all together, I won’t see anything depressing. I have been living in the denial area so I cannot get sad or depressed.

My husband is very wise and told me whenever I look into the backyard and feel like crying over the fact that our entire oak and pine forest is destroyed right up to our house, I should realize and be grateful that we actually have a home! He of course is right. We are very blessed.

So now I am finally feeling like continuing my novel. It’s been awhile, but I’m finally ready to complete the saga. Gabriel and Sarah have waited long enough, and I now have a more closely related experience in dealing with the fires I was writing about.

From the Valley Fire to the Clayton Fire, my book Out Of The Ashes, will take on a voice more sincere then ever. It’s always recommended that you write what you know. Well, as of lately, I feel I am the perfect person to write this book. Having a husband in Lake County Fire, having personal friends lose their homes, and having been quite traumatized and experienced such a near loss ourselves, I think it’s the perfect time to finish the book. I only need to be brave enough to do it!

Thank you to everyone who has been sharing their experiences with me on this fire. We will surely persevere! Nothing can touch us now, and God bless each and every one of you who lost it all! I pray you are resilient, hopeful, and that your community will stand beside you. I have seen such humble offerings and selfless acts that it’s overwhelming. God bless our community for it’s unity under these circumstances.

I am truly honored to be a part of this community, these people, and this strange time. If we all do our small part to make someone else’s life better, then we will all benefit immensely as a community. To stand together is much stronger than to stand alone.

To paraphrase Scarlett O’Hara, “I can’t think about that right now. If I do I’ll just die. I’ll think about that tomorrow.” So let’s not think of bad or difficult things now, let us just think of our gratitude and positive solutions to push forward. For tomorrow looks promising and the sun will always rise.

God Bless You All.

Too much technology

can distract a person from the things in life that really matter. My first born and I just returned from a spectacular trip to the Mendocino Coast. It was all about relaxing, reconnecting, and indulgence. We accomplished it all!

The birth of this book I’m writing, Out Of The Ashes, actually started from a writing trip I took last November to Fort Bragg, California. I was intending to write a short story for a writing competition and while getting inspired without distractions from my daily life, the character Gabriel Hart, surfaced. The story was to be called, Solitary Hart.

But then………an epiphany!

I started writing about the Valley Fire and my short story for the writing competition ended up being about WWII, and my grandfather. To answer the question you are all wondering, no. I didn’t win the competition. My novel ended up pulling all my energy and attention so maybe the short story piece wasn’t what it could have been.

Moving forward to this summer’s trip with my daughter, Fallon, we were going to let our creative juices flow in the fabulous coastal house. Seahorse Cottage in Albion is a wonderful place with great energy! Fallon is an artist and we were hoping she’d get inspired to sketch something to paint, while I was going to continue to write my novel.

 WE GOT DISTRACTED!

From the moment we left, all we could talk about was sight seeing, wine tasting, great restaurants, the beach, botanical gardens, and shopping! We did it all! Of course we relaxed too, but in the little hours of evening spent in our sanctuary house, we both realized that I’d forgotten my laptop power cord, and Fallon forgot her art supply bag, because her fur-baby dog didn’t want her to leave and she was sneaking out quickly!

More time to talk!

Walking through the gardens in Fort Bragg, we had ample time to reflect on life. Creativity comes from inspiration. Surrounding oneself with the beauty of nature is not only inspiring, but rebuilds your spirit. It can breathe new life into you when you are feeling stumped, stagnant, or are just in a plain old rut! It was exactly what we both needed.

Being exactly 50 degrees cooler than home helped too! Ha!

I highly recommend everyone take time to UNPLUG from your daily life! Sharing time with my sweet girl, (who is now 22 years old……..where did the time go?), and in an environment that we could both be at ease, made all the difference in my life upon returning to the daily grind.

Eating well is never a problem for me on vacation! Fallon and I both love to cook too, so one night we made a beautiful Ahi Tuna salad with asparagus, (pictured above). I love Bloodymarys but can’t make a good one to save my soul! Fortunately, a little place in Mendocino makes one of the best! Fully loaded, it’s spicy, comes with celery, green olives, bacon, and a full size prawn! It’s a meal in itself,(yes, it’s me, above right).

It’s a very different relationship you end up with once your children are grown. If you are lucky, they become your friends. Oh, make no mistake, you are still their parent, and I offer my advice more then they probably would like, (Sorry Fallon & Emma),  but it’s also heartwarming to be in the company of these people that you’ve created, and brought into the world…………. and you actually LIKE THEM! Ha!

The blessing is that they like me too.

I’ve fallen behind in my self-made deadline, for Out Of The Ashes, to be ready to submit to an agent. But I truly believe taking time to live and enjoy my life, with the people I so love, will only make my writing better, and after all, isn’t it more important to have a great product in the end, then rush a job for the sake of getting it done?

Anything worth doing, is worth doing well………. who said that?

Today, I read a great blog post from my sweet friend Jamey Gill. Go to her site at  jagcagdesign.com to read her experiences with the Valley Fire. It is also the site for her amazing art that she creates and sells. Give it a look! She’s one of many Lake County gems! We really have so many talented people in our community.

This weekend should prove to be beautiful in Lake County, with the temps only in the high 80’s. So get out there and enjoy nature! I started my day off today walking my two dogs. Find your way of unplugging, and reconnect with your friends and family! Or do one of my favorite things ever!…………. find a shady place outdoors, and grab something cool to drink, and read a book,( preferably NOT from a kindle, or other techno-device! A REAL BOOK). You will be happy you did.

  Enjoy everyone! Happy Friday!

   That face you get

when you are worried about, “just how close is that fire behind my house?” The fire season of 2015 is still very fresh in my mind and my reactive response now is, should I or shouldn’t I start packing things up?

I was just making a quick dinner for myself of a small baked potato and some broccoli, (the family is out), and I heard sirens in the distance. Now, the problem is, I don’t usually even give that a second thought, because sadly enough, it’s usually police or sheriff sirens. Living in Lake County has jaded me a bit I’m afraid. But when an air tanker flew over my house close enough to rattle my windows and freak my dogs out, I took notice!

Being the wife of a battalion chief has it’s perks. We have multiple sources of scanning devices in our house to monitor the airwaves and get reports on conditions. I immediately turned up the scanner and found my husband’s pager, turning it up also, as it scans different channels.

Walking outside, the smoke plume was pretty high but not black, just a light brown, indicating that it wasn’t a structure. It was also not moving much. I looked at the tree line and noted there wasn’t any wind to speak of. Now my nerves are starting to settle a bit. ………… but only a bit.

Acid reflux is sure to find me, as I ate my dinner standing at the kitchen window, watching the smoke and talking to my dad on the phone. He called me right when I was trying to listen to how many acres it was and what all resources they were sending. I’m afraid I was abrupt in telling him I’d have to call him back.

I called my daughter’s friend Amanda, who lives down the street from us out Morgan Valley Road, in Lower Lake. The fire seemed past her and she also has a scanner, because her boyfriend is a firefighter. I was hoping maybe she heard what I missed on the report of conditions. Luckily, she knew the road and it was out Lakeridge Road, some two miles past her and about 2 1/2 from me. That is not very far! We agreed to keep each other posted if we heard of any changes.

When I hung up, I decided to call my husband, even though I knew he was out on the road, driving back to me with our youngest and her boyfriend. He is allowed as an emergency personnel to use his cell phone, and after all, this was official fire business.

Charlie informed me that it was in fact, very close. He said that it wasn’t a very good place to be burning either, but if there wasn’t any wind they would probably pick it up pretty quick. He promised to call me in a few hours when they stopped to eat and he’d check in on me. Being the brave girl I am, I assured him it looked like they were getting a handle on it………even though I wasn’t sure.

Dinner eaten and I cannot even remember if it tasted good, I put my plate into the sink and went outside again to look at the smoke more closely. To my surprise, the smoke was much less and the air tanker was still flying, but farther away. This is when I took the picture of my worried face. HA!(pic from Google images)

More relief came when I walked into the house to hear them say, “fire contained at a half acre.” DO YOU KNOW HOW GOOD THAT MADE ME FEEL?!!

So now, I’ve called my father back to inform him all is right with the world, and I was also hearing them release people from the fire. That in itself is a great indicator of success! WHEW! What a relief!

I thought the fear was past me, as I didn’t really experience near the emotional trauma as so many folks did last season, from losing their home. But being on the alert for months and keeping our belongings packed, ready to evacuate, it took it’s toll. Worried about my husband going out to fight the fires, worried about all the friends we have in emergency services, and plain old worrying about safety in general, not sleeping………. it was rough! Tonight, it flooded back into me. I’m glad it was short lived.

I have so much gratitude for living in this small community, where I have people, like Amanda, who I can call with my worried questions. I’m grateful to be here knowing so many emergency personnel, who would do anything for the people who are living here. I am thankful I’m married to a great guy who has taught me ways of keeping myself, our family, and our property safe. Lastly, I am happy to know so many kind people who live near me that I know, in a heart beat, would help me if I ever needed it, because they know, I’d do the same for them.

Tonight, brought back some scary memories, but it’s all good. My dogs and I are relaxing with the air on, and in a few short hours, my husband will be returning home with the kids, (grown as they are). Life is good.

These feelings of bonding with community are what propels me forward in writing my book, Out Of The Ashes. The characters and the story are portraying the small-town-America, that we all desire. Our county may have it’s problems, but I can honestly say, it has far more blessings then my eyes were willing to see, before the fires happened. Now, I see what was there all along.

Good night my friends.

  Let me tell you,

I am far from the Pollyanna, everything will be A-OK, optimist, but for all of my life, I’ve been looking for that silver lining. In my adult life, I’ve always practiced gratitude, and looking back, I know perseverance has been my motto. But the one thing I know, (and bare with me, it’s cliché), is that LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED.

The research I’ve done for my book, and the people I’ve talked to, have given me so much hope for the future. Through everything people have been through, through all the devastation and loss, there has been one common denominator and that is, LOVE.

Call it what you want, compassion, empathy, faith, help, giving back,……. it’s all love. Without love, you cannot possess any of the previous feelings or actions. When I bore witness to the human aspect of the aftermath of our community’s ordeal, I felt the love in every stranger. It’s hard to put into words!

Today, it’s still there. After a while, you have to look harder for it. Some folks are having more than a hard time moving forward. Let’s be honest, it’s down right paralyzing for some. But if you dig deeper, (like I have), the love it out there.

A group called, “Camp Noah,” I hear, is coming to Lake County for the children. It’s an organization that helps kids deal after a disaster. They are based out of Minnesota, but have been to places such as the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, because children feel stress too. With all our adult problems of having to relocate, find a way to make our family’s lives as normal as possible, kids are in the background, stressing in their own way. Go to lssmn.org/camp_noah  for more information. I believe it’s a great idea.

I’ve talked to so many folks, and recently, I’ve found that some people almost feel abandoned. Like, “the world is moving on without them.” Once things are no longer in the forefront of the media, and others that have not experienced the first hand trauma, have gone on with normal life, the ones that went through terrible loss are feeling forsaken. How can everyone just move on?

Well, rest assured, that some that appear to have moved forward are just now feeling the stress. Everyone deals with these things at their own pace, and I believe, just like any kind of mourning, we need to allow folks to come around to it in their own time. And if you are one of the people out there feeling forsaken, try looking for support through friends and neighbors. They are out there believe me!

My friend April, put it more eloquently than I think she even knew. We were at lunch and she told me about running into friends that were her neighbors up on Cobb Mountain. She’s since moved her and her daughter into a home in Hidden Valley because they had lost their family home, something that was passed on from generations. She recollected how it struck her, seeing these people, after all these months that they would never be her neighbors again! How she’d always assumed they’d be right next door and they’d share a friendship of family memories forever! But that was robbed of her the day the Valley Fire relocated her! They weren’t given a choice! These kinds of things are still very fresh and raw.

I was told of a website from a local Middletown woman. She runs a coffee house on Main Street in Middletown, and has a fun and upbeat blog called, Coffee Keeps Me Grounded. Please, look it up and read of Stephanie Diehl’s local life. Her recent blog will let you know, that even those who seem perfectly great on the surface, can be working like a mad dog underneath. She and her family were affected by this fire as well. It’s a good read.

We are all needing love. Not just right now, but try to let these unthinkable circumstances remind us of the fact that, at any given time, someone we know, or don’t know but come in contact with, can be fighting an uphill battle. I know that just lending a hand, giving a smile, or a kind word, can mean all the difference to someone in need. The way we behave in tragic times can show character of who we really are. But even months, or years later, let it be a reminder to us to always show love.

I am leaving you with one last piece of recommendation of a girl who has put together a picture book. Now, I warn you, the photos are of the fire! But as my beautiful friend April told me, she purchased it not for herself, but for her future grandkids, because it occurred to her, that she no longer had anything to hand down from the family. This book was proof to her future grandchildren, of hers and their mother’s stoic, perseverance, that they did in fact, lose everything, but love moved them forward to build a great life anyway! You can find it by Googling the photographer, Tenaya Fleckenstein. She did a great job!

In closing, listen to Martina McBride’s song, Anyway!

It will lift you up! Good night, and God Bless!