Category: Just Me

  A writer writes.

When you don’t know what else to do about the world around you, you simply write. I don’t know if it changes anything really, but it seems to be the only thing that helps get from one moment to the next without feeling like the whole world is spinning out of control.

Song writers, poets, journalists, (if there are any true journalists left in the world), bloggers, screen play writers,  and novelists, all write during times when there is just so much building inside of them that it had to go somewhere. That’s what prompted me to start writing, AFTER THE FIRE. I wanted to create something good from all the fear, anger, sadness, and confusion that the fires in Lake County had generated. It would seem I have an ample supply of material to glean from.

I yearn for a simpler time. Right now I worry that even as I am using technology to reach all of you in this blog, that our social media, our news sources, the internet itself, all have brought upon our society suggestive ideas and opportunists have used this negatively to target us in terrible ways.

It’s become a cyclone of terror out there. I keep waiting for it all to pass, yet it seems to be gaining strength. It drains me so much that I don’t even want to know anymore. I use to pride myself on keeping up on current events, but I just don’t even want to know.

I won’t get political here. I don’t think that would help. What I will say though is I am appalled at what some people will do to have their way. None of us ever gets everything we want, but that is no reason to treat your neighbor with disdain or hatred. My father always said, ‘you can’t be rational with an irrational person.’ Then I guess I’m to believe now that the whole damn world is becoming irrational. It is more apparent every day, and it makes me sad.

 One of the characters in Dean Koontz novel, FEAR NOTHING, had said to ignore the great issues of your time, therefore improving your digestion. Ok, I’m paraphrasing since I cannot find the book to quote at the moment, but you get the gist of it. I’ve said this before I’m sure. So recently, I went to Hawaii with my family and tried to ignore all problems for awhile. It worked beautifully!

However, once we arrived home, the Pawnee Fire in Lake County hit and two of my dearest friends were out there, struggling with what I know first hand, to be Hell. Very fortunately, neither of them lost their homes, but sadly, some were not quite so lucky.

Today, I tried to continue the editing of my novel, and am nearly done, but was consumed with the spectacle of thoughts roaming in my own mind, and had to blog about it. Purge the thoughts through my keyboard and maybe I will be able to get back to what is going on in my character’s minds in the book.

So I must remember, that I can only help where I am. I am most certainly not going to be able to stop others from creating havoc in the world, but I will do my best to help locally and especially with my family. I’ll do my little part. I just hope the world isn’t teetering on the brink of something more catastrophic. I think we all could use a little more MR. ROGER’S NEIGHBORHOOD, right about now. Or maybe we should all just sit around and listen to THE BEATLES, because all you need is love.

*Photos by me, Patti Diener

 Milestones

 in a person’s life seem more significant after they are actually over. When you are going through the moment, it’s sometimes hard to realize, “this is actually happening.” 

Our youngest just graduated from Santa Rosa Junior College with honors, in the first step of her adult education. She is propelling towards the field of Radiology, and like everything else she’s set out to accomplish in her life, I’ve no doubt she will attain that goal as well.

 While sitting

in the audience of the largest graduating class SRJC has ever had, I tried to be as present as I possibly could, but my mind kept wandering back to when she was a toddler and already very much independent. Here, at the 100 year anniversary of this wonderful northern California school, I know I wasn’t alone in feeling nostalgic about my child, who is now very much a grown up. Where, indeed, has the time gone?

We were so missing our other beautiful daughter, Fallon, who has moved to Oregon, and could not attend. There was a little ache inside of me wishing she could have been there, but my heart swells with pride at how brave she is to pursue her own dreams. Sometimes in the adult world, responsibilities can be great. At least earlier in the month we were fortunate to have her come for a short visit. Also we had so much family around to support our graduate, Emma, that the family was well represented. In that way, I was extremely pleased.

Back to back events, the following day was our town’s annual Memorial Day Parade. I was getting sick with a dumb cold and stressing to try and do all kinds of, “end of the school year,” activities earlier in that week, (such as book fair at my school), that I was exhausted. But a very important guy I know was the Grand Marshall in the Lower Lake Daze Parade.

My husband, Charlie was selected to be the Grand Marshall so I couldn’t miss that. I took some nasal spray, two ibuprofen, and grabbed a tomato-beer at the parade and was golden… for about two hours. Then I went home and slept.

Since that day, I had to finish up the school year in my librarian position I hold at a public K-7 school. Evenings have been spent nursing my cold and very little editing has taken place on my book, I’m afraid. I’d gained so much progress earlier in the month but then life sort of slowed me down. Still, I wouldn’t trade it for any deadline. My family is pretty damn cool. I am so lucky.

Now I have time to breathe. Summer break is finally here and the editing is back in motion. I can look forward to editing my book, a trip to Hawaii, some me time traveling maybe nearby for more inspirational writing, and the new blog coming too. Life is really good!

  Time flies,

that is what they said and they, (the proverbial they being mostly my father but everyone older than me too), were correct. I cannot even believe today I turned 50 years old. I really don’t know where all the time went. But it’s just a number.

I spent time with a dear friend the other night over cocktails and the only thing I could say about turning 50 was that I really, with all my heart, feel like the second half of my life is going to be the best. Not that all the milestones getting here weren’t wonderful. I cannot express my gratitude for being blessed with my beautiful children, or for having such a great husband and fantastically supportive family. But there is something to be said for being a “woman of a certain age.” Frankly, I love it!

Being an empty nester took some getting used to but that too is quite lovely. When my man is out doing his thing and I don’t have anyone to cook for, I DON’T. That being said, I still eat well. I love food and not garbage food. I can eat my foo-foo food that Hubby doesn’t usually eat, (kale, quinoa salad not his thing). Then of course there is the time to write without guilt and that is also a pleasure.

 The above pic was Saturday when I was home alone and in the middle of a writing marathon and didn’t want to cook. Win-win, as far as I could tell. Then the writing continued.

Looking back on my life thus far, I can say I am more myself now than I ever was before. This is because I am finally accepting myself for exactly who I am. I don’t feel any need to impress, put up a front, or put on airs. I’m just me and I am enough. Believe me, that is saying a lot. I suppose plenty of women have gone through that and hopefully most of us get over it. But I really feel good about who I am now and that in itself is a feat.

The things that I was hung up on before are gone, freeing me to be more creative and I found I’m pretty damn good company. I don’t have to be entertained in any way by anyone. Although I love spending time with my family and friends, I can be alone and not feel lonely. If I’m perfectly honest with myself, I have always been that way. I just didn’t accept it.

Growing up, I fell in love with books, reading and writing. I’d lock myself up in my room and read for hours or write stories or poetry. Any writer will tell you that is a solitary lifestyle and if you let others into that world, they must be very special. I have many wonderful people that I love and love me, but they are the ones that understand my need to be alone to write. They support my crazy desire to create and dream. They understand when I go incommunicado for lengthy times and don’t hold it against me. I’m pretty blessed.

So I’m on the brink of publishing my first novel and have a second one in the wake. I am starting my third blog that will be out, (I hope) by next month called, romancetravelandfood.com  but it hasn’t launched yet so be on the look out. I’ve already set up the website, purchased my URL and security needed to run it. I also created a new email address for it so between all that and working full time, I’m one busy gal… but I’m LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT!

 Life is a journey

and I’m looking forward to more traveling, more time with my husband, and more quality time with my family. Although as I say, I’ve come late to the party in my writing career as a published author, I’m gonna tackle that too, and write as many books as I can get in before my time is up. Even though there are more books out there than I will ever have time to read, and I know I won’t be able to write every single story idea I come up with in the time I have either, I’m still going to enjoy trying every single day.