Perennial As The Grass

   Since the fire

(and I’m talking about the Clayton Fire), I lost my drive to write. I found my voice enough to write about what happened with my family during and immediately following the fire, but since then, something felt snuffed out inside of me. I lost my ability to write.

These past few weeks have nearly sent me into a panic, wondering if I would be able to finish my book! I have felt distracted……… disconnected……. uninterested…….. and dare I say……….. depressed!

But this weekend, when I was setting things in motion to celebrate my youngest child’s 19th birthday, I was reminded by her to look outside at the yard. She said, “Mom! Go out and take pictures of the grass that’s growing! Was it there last night? I don’t remember seeing it yesterday! It’s like your book! OUT OF THE ASHES! Mom, you need to go out and look.”

Emma made me see that just as I’ve been writing, the earth is renewing itself, just as we all are. It is a splendid thing to behold!

I had my windows replaced on the east side of my house, and just this week I realized that my husband had been rounding up items into a pile that we are going to put into a dumpster, whenever we get around to clearing our property. I barely look out into our side or backyard when I get home, because it’s so changed. The front is the same. If I put blinders on of my blackened pasture, my absent or blackened trees, and completely deviate from looking into the backyard all together, I won’t see anything depressing. I have been living in the denial area so I cannot get sad or depressed.

My husband is very wise and told me whenever I look into the backyard and feel like crying over the fact that our entire oak and pine forest is destroyed right up to our house, I should realize and be grateful that we actually have a home! He of course is right. We are very blessed.

So now I am finally feeling like continuing my novel. It’s been awhile, but I’m finally ready to complete the saga. Gabriel and Sarah have waited long enough, and I now have a more closely related experience in dealing with the fires I was writing about.

From the Valley Fire to the Clayton Fire, my book Out Of The Ashes, will take on a voice more sincere then ever. It’s always recommended that you write what you know. Well, as of lately, I feel I am the perfect person to write this book. Having a husband in Lake County Fire, having personal friends lose their homes, and having been quite traumatized and experienced such a near loss ourselves, I think it’s the perfect time to finish the book. I only need to be brave enough to do it!

Thank you to everyone who has been sharing their experiences with me on this fire. We will surely persevere! Nothing can touch us now, and God bless each and every one of you who lost it all! I pray you are resilient, hopeful, and that your community will stand beside you. I have seen such humble offerings and selfless acts that it’s overwhelming. God bless our community for it’s unity under these circumstances.

I am truly honored to be a part of this community, these people, and this strange time. If we all do our small part to make someone else’s life better, then we will all benefit immensely as a community. To stand together is much stronger than to stand alone.

To paraphrase Scarlett O’Hara, “I can’t think about that right now. If I do I’ll just die. I’ll think about that tomorrow.” So let’s not think of bad or difficult things now, let us just think of our gratitude and positive solutions to push forward. For tomorrow looks promising and the sun will always rise.

God Bless You All.